Ashes, + The love of my life

Ok. So here's the deal, kiddies. As I said in the last blog, my mom died of lung cancer when I was younger, so these essay's were interesting to read. They didn't really upset me though, because I found them hard to relate to. Some ideas found in the essay's were ones i've encountered myself. For example: in "The Love of My Life", she makes comments like "I want my mother" in a stressful situation, "my mother's death has taught me to live each day as if it were my last", and "I cannot continue to live without my mother." These are things I've both thought and said many times before, and so reading it in the essay made me stop and think for a while. Actually, I had an extremely hard time getting through both essays. Every once in a while the writer would say something that reminded me of my own personal experience with the similar situation. I would then stop, and think for long periods of time about anything and everything but mostly things pertaining to my life with my mom still around. Needless to say, I realized that most of the time I try to block out thoughts of my mom, memories and the D.E.C. itself.(note: D.E.C = the day everything changed) It was upsetting for me to realize but I guess it's just been my own personal way of dealing with things. Oh well. I'm digressing. I didn't hate the essay's but I also can't say that I'm their biggest fan. "Ashes", was a story that I couldn't really relate to. I mean, it certainly portrayed a reality, and the ugliness associated with a loved one suffering cancer but at the same time it portrayed a strange family connection. Affection was rare and considered unnecessary. But again, I can't say that, that didn't occur with my family. The difference is that their family was naturally not big on affection in general. So when the cancer hit, they drove themselves further apart to ease the suffering and pain of losing each other. My family doesn't necessarily go day by day hugging and telling one another "i love you", but when my mom was diagnosed with lung cancer we definitely at least tried to be more loving towards each other. Although I do remember, being an angsty teenager and wanting nothing to do with my mom at the time. It sounds horrible because it was horrible and the things I wish I had done was talk to her more...find out more about her and be more mature. Unfortunately, life isn't that easy and you can't just go back in time,(no matter how much you wish to.)